When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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