they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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