I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
