Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
