Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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