why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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