it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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