I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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