And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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