You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
