I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
