I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
