I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
