We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Vodka?
Forever.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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