careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
