I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
