herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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