I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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