Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
