I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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