Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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