we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I stole a fireplace last night.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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