you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
