My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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