I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
