so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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