I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
