i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.