Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.