i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.