he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
