We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
