You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
