I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
