My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
