apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
