shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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