The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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