so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
