How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need water and some morals
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
