this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
