Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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