life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
