did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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