I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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