cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
