Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
