ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
