Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's just like the Real World with babies
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
