Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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