can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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