you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
