I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
