Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
