I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
