just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
