I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
