so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
