You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
