He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
