he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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