remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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