I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
