my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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