no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize